What National Adoption Month Means to Me
National Adoption Month is always a reminder for me to spend some time celebrating those we love and who love us — and most importantly, how to give back to those impacted (for better or worse) by adoption.
As this special month comes to a close, I wanted to share with anyone touched by any part of the adoption process who may be looking, searching, wondering, missing, worrying, longing, loving, nurturing, raising, praying, caring, supporting, wishing, advocating, separating, acclimating…I see you and you are not alone.
I’ve been blessed to know both sets of my parents – who I affectionately refer to as the set that “made me” and the set that “raised me”. I’ve had the seemingly rare opportunity to fill in the beautiful and ugly blanks. I have been hugged and loved on by the four people responsible for my being here, who I am and how I show up. This month and always, I am grateful for both sets. For me it’s nature and nurture rather than either/or. The adoption community is one I will always support and show up for to ensure other babies (just like me) heal, have hope and a safe place to share so they may move through this life with security and confidence whether we have all the pieces of the puzzle or not.
Why is this important? Because what I know for sure is when we don’t have the whole story, we make it up. For decades, I told fibs (guessed really) about my ethnicity, my family, made up fantasies about where I come from and who my birth parents were. I felt it was offensive to my adopted parents if I wondered about these things so more often than not, I’d keep it to myself. I know there are kids out there making it up, wondering, wishing, wanting too. Lacking the tools and emotional awareness to describe and understand their feelings. Self-love, confidence, awareness, acceptance, understanding are all actions that can be hard to come by for some of us (🙋🏽♀️) and often take time, help and intention to cultivate once you’ve even come to realize they are missing.
Knowing the circumstances surrounding my adoption have brought me a sense of identity and belonging. And I want to honor those who don’t know and long for details to the truths they can’t find or possibly just haven’t found yet. It took me over 40 years and a village of support to get here.
Please join me in encouraging adoptive families to have the discussion, to tell the stories, to dismantle the elephant in the room. A discussion might not change feelings, but it can certainly help a person feel less alone and give them permission to be curious, know they are safe, and ask questions.